Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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