You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
