i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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