alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
