I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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