if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
