I just made out with a guy for $7.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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