Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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