I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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