well you can't waste a boner
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
