i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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