I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
