I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize