I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just crazy horny about you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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