Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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