How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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