you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
