I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
