I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
