If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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