i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
