so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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