Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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