she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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