I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
