she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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