just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
