I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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