he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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