he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize