Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
