ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
