Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
