he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
