im six kinds of drunk right now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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