he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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