I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
