mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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