so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
