If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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