I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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