But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
