I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
