the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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