Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
