That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
