absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
