i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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