I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
