Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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