it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
