I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
