Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
