I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize