did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
