you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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