I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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