I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I haven't been this sober since birth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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