Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize